Date Joined: June 8, 2016
Last Online: December 27, 2020
Birthday: October 1
Country: United States
Ahh...welcome welcome. Come in come in...thank you for stopping by.
*****WE INTERRUPT THIS REGULARLY SCHEDULED SWAP-BOT TO BRING YOU THIS IMPORTANT MESSAGE:
Yes- I was here before. Unfortunately, I had a family emergency happen and it took me a hot second to recover. Thankfully, we survived the lame pity party that followed and I would like to rejoin the masses. IF you'll have me. If you have any concerns, please just ask.
WE NOW RETURN YOU TO THE REGULAR SWAP-BOT PROFILE.*****
Allow myself to introduce.....myself. My name is Lisa and I pee in the ocean. (also known to pee in pools buts that's neither here nor there...)
I say the cuss words. frequently.
*quick side-note: if you get any of the references I use, congratulations-we're now best friends. call me...
I enjoy the funny things in life. There was a time that I thought I was funny. But then I had a kid. Now I have a 7 year old replica of myself walking around and let me tell ya.... smart-ass remarks are funny...but not when they come from someone's mouth who's not even 4 ft tall.
I used to think I was cool until that small walking mirror proved otherwise.
I don't like kids.
My way of communicating with people is with sarcasm, cheesy jokes, and endlessly quoting movies. Cheesy movies at that. I think I'm clever and have great comedic timing, but others tend to think I'm a jackass who's rude. They are of course, incorrect, but I'm all for people having opinions. [wink].
people without common sense are scary to me.
also-- if you don't know the words to the song "Gangstas Paradise".... I have no idea what you're doing with your life.
oh...and this might just be the whiskey talking, but I really love whiskey.
useless facts for the day: babies are born without kneecaps. bears don't poop during hibernation.
anything and everything weird
crude and offensive humor
organizing things. I mean seriously-- anything organization oriented. I organize ALL THE THINGS.
tactical everything. knifes. flashlights. knife shaped like credit card with a built in flashlight that can open a wine bottle and start your car. because tactical rhymes with practical.
solar dancing toys. Don't judge me.
Betty White is my spirit animal and The Golden Girls are my squad goals.
80's movies with Chevy Chase in them. (If you've ever watched "Fletch", congratulations, we're now best friends. Call me.)
flowers. digging in the dirt.
I pay my kid with candy to rub my feet.
I'd rather be outside. Except when I'm inside.
small yard decorations.
old school Disney movies.
and some of the new ones my kid watches.
except frozen. I've seen that movie enough to want to shove a spoon in my eye.
sea glass. absolutely LOVE sea glass.
ocean inspired colors.
rainbows and anything colored in rainbow order.
teal / aqua / green minty colors.
if you have something, that every time you look at it you think "what the hell am I supposed to do with this?"......send it
I DON'T LIKE:
zoos or any place like a zoo that has animals in pins/cages. There is absolutely nothing "natural" about the habitats those places force animals to live in. I think it's cruel to take an animal that's used to roaming the land and put them in a 10x12 pin.
don't even get me started on sea world. ever seen the movie BLACKFISH? I despise sea world.
the thought of my kid driving.
sauerkraut. I mean--ewww.
kid boogers. (and really ALL things booger)
the new math they teach these kids
the old math they taught us.
-crystals / gemstones
those cheesy books of funny/useless facts.
DIY catalogs / magazines (especially wood working)
friendships bracelets. cause we're best friends now-remember?
winning lottery tickets
a live-in nanny
a pair of fuzzy dice for my rear-view mirror.
DISCLAIMER: if you send any items from this list, I will assume that you love me and have agreed that we are indeed best friends.
I will always rate you. If I'm taking to long for you-remind me, please. The kid has not only stolen my energy, but also my memory. I think.
I don't know. I can't remember.
Hi, I'm Tom.
Before I go... the kid wanted me to share her dumbass joke with you....CUTE. I mean CUTE joke.
"why is the shirt yellow?
because it's not blue turtle!!!"
see. I told you. dumbass joke.
WORD TO YOUR MOTHER.
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